Years ago, before my husband was a Pastor, I was elected to the Church Council as recording secretary. After I read my first meeting minutes, our Pastor started to make a comment ….then he chuckled and said, “never mind, Joan, I’ll talk to you about the minutes later.”
I was embarrassed and upset. Something was obviously wrong with the way I recorded the meeting, and he had let everyone else know it. I went to him later and said, “You might as well have just gone ahead and criticized me there. Why didn’t you just finish telling me what I did wrong?”
His answer? “I started to say your minutes were the best we had ever had, but I caught myself, realizing how rude and ungrateful that would sound to the members who had done it before.” As you can imagine, that deflated my anger in a second. Now I was embarrassed to realize how quickly I had jumped to the wrong conclusion.
My point? We can’t assume we know what someone else is thinking, or what their actions really mean. If you’re in doubt, do as the Bible says, go to that person and ask. You may find out you misjudged them, or you may be giving them an opportunity to apologize. Either way, you’ve saved your relationship and you can continue to “agree in the Lord.”