Author Archives: sarahdva

About sarahdva

Not much to see here. :) I'm a mom of 3, (boy,girl,boy) a wife to a pretty great husband, and I'm a driver. I also attend Salina Tech in persuit of an assosiates in graphic design. So far so good there. Finished out my 1st semester with straight A's. Starting off well in 2nd semester. We belong to a good church family in Salina (WELS), but live in a small town just south of there. Life is good, and God is great. ;)

symbiosis

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symbiosis

n. pl. sym·bi·o·ses (-sēz)

1. Biology A close, prolonged association between two or more different organisms of different species that may, but does not necessarily, benefit each member.

2. relationship of mutual benefit or dependence. 

As a self professed introvert relationships sometimes seem to be a lot of hard work. I mean, do you know how emotional people can get!? Its exhausting, almost nobody just says:

‘Hey, You take a nap while I bring you some wine and dark chocolate.’

I suppose that would fall under number one of the symbiosis definition, and that wouldn’t be very fair. Definition number two, the one that says a relationship is of mutual benefit, is probably the better deal though. 

While everyone has great capacity to be selfish, and lazy; absolutely no one was put on this earth solely to be served. Not even me. God’s own son (think about that) came not be served but to serve. Therefore, I can hardly expect someone else to leave me in introvert paradise, with only the occasional appearance of a loyal maid or butler. People, like it or not, need other people. We are designed that way.

Genisis 2:18  The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  

Side Note Ladies: By ‘man’ I’m including the meaning ‘man-kind’.

Sure it’s work to have and be in relationships, but that’s because we’re a fallen people in a flawed world. If everything were the way God first intended us to be, then the best part of our relationships today could be considered but a glimpse, a shadow of the reality it could have been. What I believe we can expect in heaven.

In the mean time, we just need to continue to drown our old selves in our baptismal waters and allow our Christ renewed selves to fill the relationships we have.

Amen.

Here on Earth.

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What I’ve been given is time. Not life, not really. If I believe in what the bible says (and I do) my life, as it were, is a blink compared to the life that awaits me in a very real kingdom finer than those described in any legend or myth. Still, the time I’ve been given here is such a great gift that I can’t even grasp it. What do I do with it? How am I to spend it and with whom?

I’m still trying to work out the first question for myself and my family, and with a firm assurance I can tell you I am a terrible steward of time. I waste it, and mock it, and complain about it either dragging on too long. or flying by too fast. I often wonder what I could’ve done better in time past. Then I turn around and wonder what I can do to improve my future, and promptly begin scheming. How utterly human of me.

Why not live in the moment? Now is the best time of all. Insight is all we need, a.k.a prayers of wisdom. To remember we aren’t given a spirit of fear is to resolve to use our time wisely. We profit nothing when we fear what the future holds, or fear what some might think of our past. It does no good at all, yet it is done everyday. Certainly time should be thoughtfully and lovingly spent with a large dose of bravery in the mix. Because here on Earth we have little time to decide where we’ll be spending eternity. As to who we should spend time with . . . time will tell.

Contractual . . .

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Contractual . . .

Hosea 13:4-6

“Yet I have been the LORD your God Since the land of Egypt; And you were not to know any god except Me, For there is no savior besides Me. I cared for you in the wilderness, In the land of drought. As they had their pasture, they became satisfied, And being satisfied, their heart became proud; Therefore they forgot Me.”

I read, ‘ . . . And being satisfied, their heart became proud; therefore they forgot Me.” And I think that Christians need to remember those words. Not because we need to tell others about the words of warning God spoke, but because Christians need to warn each other. God makes a promise and we all know he’ll keep it. We certainly balk if we feel he hasn’t or won’t; yet how easily we forget that long ago we agreed to uphold our part of a binding contract.

We are a government, people, society, even world of contracts. Paper work to verify other paper work to ensure promise of words written and said in processes of purchases, acquisitions, and agreements of all kinds. And we have laws that force any who would dare usurp such paperwork as this.

How hypocritical we all are. Christians descended of Jews who are descended of Abraham, Father of nations made a promise. To follow God, worship only Him, and to do so by obeying His will. Which, I might add, only looks to provide us the best and safest option. In other words, His will would never wish His people harm or leave us wanting. Yet we’ve strayed, and forgotten over and over that our God loves us and that we also made a promise. We have grown comfortable by the blessings He gives and in our comfort and satisfaction we forget who gives it. We think it must have been our own doing. That the ‘stars aligned’ and all our efforts came to bear fruit of prosperity and peace. But from where did we get the money? A job, the employer, the company, a city, the state, country; have all those things including the political web of red tape and regulations, with the world chess pieces of military power all been a product of our own hand?

God might ask us as He did Job if we laid the foundations of the earth and hung the stars and moon. No, we simply reap the benefits if we only obey putting one foot in front of the other. We must be cautious, and not forget when we sit on our soft couch in our warm homes just who made it all possible. Good for us we have a really big note a.k.a. the Bible, so that we can read it and remember not just God’s promises which are faithful, but our own.

Stability

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Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Heb. 13:8).

To be honest, I needed to hear that lately. Because, as often happens in life things are changing. I’ve noticed to if we are lucky enough to have a ‘routine’ we really ought to savor the peace and stability that it gives us.

More than that though we need to appreciate, and learn to truly value the relationships (albeit short as some may be) that have been set before us through whatever path we’re on at the time. And I do believe that God put certain people in our paths good and bad to teach and test us.

Change certainly does test us, it tests our responses and our attitudes. This last month for me has been a bit of a whirlwind of change. My son is hitting a big milestone in age and showing signs of maturity, my school is going through some major changes (Cutting the program I’m enrolled in), and physically it’s more and more obvious that I’m not ever gonna be that star athlete.

Now, while all of that can be depressing for anybody, everybody reacts to things like that in different ways. Some may panic, (I’ve resolved to only panic inwardly) and some might give up, or get angry and start blaming others. Maybe they’d be right in assigning blame, and maybe they’d have a darn good excuse for getting angry; but what practical use does that have? None, there can be no satisfaction in pouting and it isn’t at all constructive.

We all need to eventually look up and take note. There will always be a challenge. There will always be something that rocks us awake from our cozy routine. How will we deal with it? Gracefully, or with all the tact of a two year old? Welcome to adulthood, and thank God for Jesus Christ our Savior.

Who’s watching?

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That is a more loaded question than I’d like to admit. And it leads to other questions. Like why and with what motives would a person be observing anyone else’s behavior? I mean, are they looking to catch you in the act of doing something wrong because you’re not well liked? Or are they looking to catch you in the act of doing something right? Because, well I don’t know why. Of course, this line of questioning comes from an admitted self-proclaimed observer.

As a parent I am all too aware that my children, at least, are watching me most, if not All, of the time. I was probably more aware of it when they were smaller, when they repeat not only what is said, but what is done. No cursing without thinking, no being a little to obnoxious or rude. And heaven forbid you roll your eyes. Cuz, it’s not so cute when they roll their eyes back at you.  Cause and effect. And the cause and effect of that . . . is that one watches one’s behavior much closer. It part because now you’re aware, and in part because you want to do and be better. For their sake’s. Of course failure is indeed an option, that will occur on regular basis at various levels.

Then the funniest thing happens, you end up watching them. As a parent we fall in love with our children from the moment they are in idea put in our brains. And as women we get the special privilege of falling in love with every bump, squirm and wiggle that we are fortunate enough to feel while pregnant. Then BAM! Before you know it, they’ve arrived in this world and the watching takes on a whole new level. We watch them yawn, move, sleep, and grow as if they’ve been injected with miracle grow from the start. We watch them learn, laugh, cry and get angry. We see how they play and imagine, most of the time with the box that the expensive toy you just bought them came in.

So, really who’s watching who? Both I’d say, yet, as human beings grow older we realize more, see more, understand more . . . hopefully. And if that is the case, then wouldn’t it stand to reason, that as adults, we can glean a wealth of information from the children God blesses us with? What could we learn from the way they love us when we sometimes don’t deserve it. Or from the way they seem to bounce back from sickness, eager to play again. Or even from the way they imitate behaviors of our own and others that we wish they wouldn’t.

Society might benefit greatly from talking less and looking more. Society would certainly also benefit from pausing on occasion and paying closer attention to their surroundings. To take a break and watch is a fruitful endeavor in it’s own way. Really watching is another word for learning. And in it’s biblical use watching is also about record keeping, we are tasked with paying attention and truthfully re-telling what is seen. There’s real importance in that.

What I see.

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When it comes to witnessing, I’m thinking some wise, much-older-than-me person passionately and articulately explaining to those who don’t know, just what Jesus Christ is all about. And almost magically channeling God Himself as a crowd gathers round’ in awe. Over to the side in a dark corner, I watch, and I just know I could never be that guy, (Or girl). But witnessing can be evangelizing in the literal sense of the word. I’m begging to learn that I don’t have to be a savant genius christian that knows everything all the time to share God’s love.

“ . . . for My strength is made perfect in weakness,”

Literally through watching, observing, learning, and growing in faith, then sharing my experiences, and adhering to God’s word in action, I can be evangelizing without knowing it. Not that I don’t mess up. I do. A LOT. Still, I know that the same God that created the universe in six days can certainly use me if that’s what he wishes to do.

Now in full disclosure, I’m an adult who’s led a fairly ‘sheltered’ life and not had it all that hard; relatively. My parents loved and provided for me and my siblings to the best of their ability, and I cannot rightly complain about them.

At the same time, I have seen things that have shaped me as human being. I have heard stories and testimonies of others that, sometime later on, I may share with all of you. Terrible things. And I remind my children (in part because of these experiences) that they need to guard against what they see and hear. Those things cannot be unseen and unheard.

One of the things that I’ve seen I think I need to share now. It’s glued itself to my psyche. Bonded with my soul and vividly shows itself like a brightly preserved image painfully reminding me that this world needs good people and simultaneously echoing the anguish of a child that deserved better.  I see a child staring at his adult authoritative figure, as innocent looking as a Norman Rockwell painting. Yet, he had just caused a huge ruckus on my bus which was now parked on the side of a dirt road.

He had just lashed out violently at anyone unlucky enough to be in his path. Pushing, hitting, kicking his way around. I had managed to keep him away from the others now that I was parked. I didn’t hurt him. I didn’t yell at him. I simply put my body between his and the others. I let him climb over the top of the bus seat a couple of times. I even let him hit me. I told him he could hit me all he wanted, but no one else. (He was small it didn’t hurt.) Soon, the school security guard arrived. Who was quite stern. And then my boss, also stern. And my boss is the taller-than-I female he was guiltily staring at. She told him she’d be taking him off the bus. And then I believe God guided me to inform him of something. “She’s not going to hurt you.” I said.

Here is where yet another image was burned into me leaving a permanent mark. I saw a frustrated, broken child break into tears, and put his small arms around my boss’s neck as if he was simply giving her a hug because he was glad to see her. His face now buried into her shoulder, she carried him off and drove him away.

I drove him to school one more time. This time in a suburban with no other passengers. We spoke as if nothing happened. And something I remember him saying, that I can’t unhear, was that, I wasn’t as angry as his mom. I didn’t understand, so wanting to encourage a relationship I told him that all moms got angry sometimes. After that he was silent. And I’ll never forget his thoughtful little face looking out the window.

I went back to his house one other time. They said he had an appointment so I didn’t get to drive him to school. Then, when asking my boss about picking him up again, I learned that I would not be doing that anymore. His parents were now in jail, and he and his brother were now in his grandmother’s custody. He and his brother were victims of physical abuse. I think about him almost daily. And he is the only student I’ve ever shed a tear for.

Yet here this memory stands, as a witness to me, and now you. And I believe my boss and I gave that boy a glimpse of what it meant to be loved. For a moment in time he saw kindness when my boss carried him like mother would. And he was witness to our patience and gentle examples. I pray that those things are what sticks with him. And even though I can’t tell you his name, I think sharing his story may cause someone else to have just a little more patience with that ‘difficult’ child in their life.

I don’t know how God is planning to use me. And I still say I’m not very good at witnessing in the traditional sense. But I do know I can type a little better than I can speak, and I can share in this way what I’ve seen as I try and set a good example.

“O my Lord, I am not eloquent,”

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Moses said that. The one and only legendary Moses of ancient times. Descendant of even more legendary, angel-wrestling Jacob. Son of Isaac, who was of course the son of Abraham. But here Moses having just witnessed an amazing thing, and presumably having just heard an intimidating thunderous voice; resists obeying God. Why after witnessing all that, did he for the third or fourth time proceed to tell the Lord, God Almighty, that he was not the guy for the job? I mean, don’t we give lesser authoritative figures more respect by simply doing as they say, because they said so? Would a soldier tell his commanding officer ‘No.’? Not likely.

Moses even protested yet once more after that and angered God. Still in God’s ever so patient way He had mercy on Moses and suggested that his brother Aaron be the mouth piece he thought he needed. Now there are a lot of things I don’t like doing. Public Speaking chief among them, (Sorry Becky) but I’d do it if asked. Just like I do a hundred other things I don’t like to do because they need done. I wonder though, would I be so compliant if the Holy Spirit did not reside in me? A gift from God himself, made possible by the blood of his precious Son.

I ask why did Moses do that, forgetting that Moses was not afforded the luxury I know I have. Without the faith that has grown from the hearing of God’s Word and the Holy Spirit’s washing and Christ’s Blood paying for my imperfection; I would not be the person I am today.

Even now, with all that knowledge of head and heart, I am worse than Moses. Not only am I telling God that I’m not eloquent; I’m hiding in a corner and staying silent. I have no right. I should be shouting from the roof top whether I want to or not. It’s the least I could do. Woe to me, and to my sinfully quiet soul. Undeserving of a pursuant Spirit. Here in lies the beauty of it all . . . even with my whinny, lippy attitude God still loves me, and encourages me, and affords me His patience and time. He whispers ever so gently when He could thunder ever so piercingly.

Therefore, in the moments when I recall His amazing grace, I try to at least show a tiny glimpse of my Savior with a smile, with a kind word, a patient sigh, and an obedient act. When I forget that I’ve been given much, it serves as a reminder to be merciful to others who have also forgotten how much they’ve got. And it’s enough because God said “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness,” my weakness. Am I a good witness? Probably a better one in the literal sense. I see plenty. Verbally, let’s just say thank the good Lord for a more eloquent written form of words.  In the evangelistic sense . . .  yikes.

The miracle is that God can use even me.

“To Die is Gain.”

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Once upon a time . . .

when humanity was young, and quite innocent; they lived in a place of unimaginable beauty and endless possibility. And then humanity was deceived. We failed to trust our creator, and though the lie was not ours, the doubt and greed fully belong to us. The rejection was not of the place, the food, or the vast kingdom that in inheritance belonged to us as well. The rejection was power and love our Father and Lord possessed. We rejected Him.

What was not known in the dawn of time was that with the failure of trust, blinded by greed and naivety, revelations would be made. The tree of knowledge of Good, and Evil. The name says as much as it implies. Before what would they have known? Neither good nor Evil. The infinite wisdom of God would be too much for them to bear. A better way is to slowly introduce information, to take eternity and explain and teach. God wanted to show us the universe while building a relationship.

From the very beginning it was Him who loved us more.  Suddenly, too suddenly, we knew what worse than bad was. We knew shame, and embarrassment, and lust. We knew regret, and sadness, and fear. We were overwhelmed.

Still God our Father loved us. For our own sakes, he removed us from Heaven. People without self-discipline tend to ruin good things. Not to mention Everlasting Life (The tree of Life) combined with Irrational, self-destructive sin would be disastrous. Therefore, we were separated. How painful that was. Not only for us, but for God. The Alpha and Omega that feels anguish as well as joy. Can you imagine first being rejected by your children, and then having to remove them from the situation to protect them? Maybe some can, because all this resulted in a broken world. A world that for our own sakes requires a barrier of sorts.

Luke 16:26 “And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.”

Not only between heaven and hell, but between heaven and earth. It’s a burden we must bear. Although Christ came so that we can eventually see our heavenly home, we mustn’t risk it with open borders. Narrow is the road. While we have hope of seeing not only our loved ones but also our merciful Savior, there’s still a gap. A lonely realization that we are to suffer here till our time comes. As Christians, it’s not that we don’t believe in a better, very real, life that exists beyond our reach; it’s that we cannot follow where they go. It’s the harsh separation that stares us in the face. Our despair comes with the knowledge that these bodies we inhabit must endure here for a time.

Philippians 1:21&22 “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if I go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. So what shall I choose?  I do not know. I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.”

The End?

“Hey Girl!”

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Greetings to my fellow lady friends, to my sweet and sometimes sassy women that share commonalities with me:

It’s February (of course) the month in which women get a larger-than-normal dose of attention from our male counter parts. The time of year when love, is emphasized and romance encouraged. Yet while many of us will say love is physical, or that love is a thing shown (in part) via monetary value wrapped with bright shiny paper; I maintain that it has many forms. MOST of which, have no physical bearing at all. But is shown best through actions of help, encouragement, sympathy, empathy, and a shared joy for one another’s mile stones and achievements.

For instance, at a time when I had a large amount of stress due to my oldest child ending up in the hospital, my spirits were hugely lifted through some friends and family of mine. I felt an enormous amount of love and joy when everyone I knew offered me assistance in various ways and assured me that time spent in the hospital would not be held against me and that I could make up any work missed. Exceptions were made, and it was a wonderful thing. My son rested and through many prayers and the good hospital staff, he got better. (I did not, mind you, taken advantage of this kindness, which indeed, often makes a difference in circumstances.)

Therefore, I say friendship can be one of the best and most overlooked form of love out there. My friends are a much needed refreshment in a world that gives nothing but dry arid desserts for cities of sanctuary. The politics and ‘first-come-first-serve’ attitude of cold corporate society is draining on a soul. Which is why God in His infinite wisdom, gave His followers a special kind of support. A fellowship of heart and soul. A family bonded by like-hearted spirits, colorful lights in sometimes cruel, dark place. We become beacons of safety, harboring each other in life’s stormy moment. And often, a quiet ear is a necessary soft place to land and express the frustrations of the days (or weeks) events.

So ladies, while our husbands are an integral part of our lives, please make time, and don’t forget. You have sisters in Christ. Wise women who can help you in truth and loving kindness’s. They offer new perspectives and common experiences that bond. We are simultaneously fuel for our inner fire and nearly empty tanks. Built to both encourage and be encouraged.

Thank God then . . . for ladies night.

 

The Lack of-obedience.

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I am not special. There is nothing about me that makes me better than anybody else. I do not have the discipline of perfect obedience. Though it seems many are under the (false) impression Christians think they are better. I can’t get inside everyone’s head, so I suppose I can’t say that there aren’t some (who call themselves Christians) that do think they’re better. To this I bring up one simple fact. They are then wolves in sheep’s clothing. That kind of thing occurs in ALL group types.

That being said- let me attempt to reassure. No true Christian thinks this. What we do know is that we have is a gift. Like a big secret no one has seen, yet is plainly visible. A secret that is shouted from hill tops and sung praises about, but no one has heard. Why are we less stressed, more content? The reason is we know no matter what earth throws at us; a brighter more vibrant life awaits us. When we make a mistake (which happens often) we are aware that grace is our lot, and forgiveness is our helper. We have placed our trust in the one name, that we believe is above all others. Jesus Christ.

It’s not that we think our “stuff don’t stink”, it’s not that we’re so much better at rules . . . (although because of our love and understanding of a great mercy given we do try, and fail) it’s simply that through the word of God and the help of the Holy Spirit, we are AWARE.

Aware of grace and love. Aware of a wonderful creator, and His steadfast love. We are aware that we’ve been adopted into His family, NOT because we have accomplished some awesome feat. But because He chose us. He first loved us, and through the power of his word alone, we now know.

It may be though as the good book says, that the deaf whose ears have been opened and the blind whose eyes see, believers in Christ, keep the secret that really isn’t secret. Will it be that no matter how much we praise God in song and show the wonders of His good and perfect creations, that some will remain blind and deaf?

For the record, I sometimes claim to be a rebel. Proof of my imperfections. I am no better than those who don’t hold to my beliefs. But I do have a secret I’d like to share.