Christ-Centered Conflict Resolution by Tony Merida–Book Review

Disagreements are a part of life, and as Christians, we all want to resolve conflict in a Christlike manner. This short book by Pastor Tony Merida is chock full of good advice for doing that. In fact, conflict can actually be seen as an opportunity to show God’s grace and grow personally.

First of all, the greatest problem in every conflict is: YOU! Conflict with God and others came into the world with sin, and it’s still going on. The book of James tells us:

“What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from you passions that wage war within you? You desire and you do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war.” James 41-2

The internal war with sin within us eventually leads us into conflict with others as we seek to satisfy our own desires.

The author walks us through these steps to peacemaking.

*Me-First–is there a log in my own eye?

*Minor–Is the offense a minor one that I could and should overlook?

*Major–Does this offense require the purpose of restoration (as outlined in the Bible)?

*Material–Does this offense require restitution related to property, money or other rights?

*Mediation–Does this offense call for the help of another party to assist in peacemaking?

Above all, love should prevail. Pastor Merida states that we should take the commandment to love expressed by Jesus in John 15, as seriously as we take the commandments to refrain from murder or adultery. Christian love is a sign of maturity, and most conflicts are easier to resolve when we’ve already demonstrated love over time to that person.

VERDICT: 5 STARS. The advice given is clear, concise and Biblical. The author takes pains to say that he is a pastor, not a counselor or therapist, and he does not address the problem of abuse. I would recommend it.

The Lutheran Ladies received a free e-copy of this book in return for a fair and honest review. Disclaimer pursuant to FTC 16 CPR 255.

For more book reviews see these posts:

The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork by John C. Maxwell–Book Review

Spiritual Formation by Henri Nouwen–Book Review

Discernment by Henri Nouwen with Michael J. Christensen and Rebecca J. Laird–Book Review

Stability

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Heb. 13:8).

To be honest, I needed to hear that lately. Because, as often happens in life things are changing. I’ve noticed to if we are lucky enough to have a ‘routine’ we really ought to savor the peace and stability that it gives us.

More than that though we need to appreciate, and learn to truly value the relationships (albeit short as some may be) that have been set before us through whatever path we’re on at the time. And I do believe that God put certain people in our paths good and bad to teach and test us.

Change certainly does test us, it tests our responses and our attitudes. This last month for me has been a bit of a whirlwind of change. My son is hitting a big milestone in age and showing signs of maturity, my school is going through some major changes (Cutting the program I’m enrolled in), and physically it’s more and more obvious that I’m not ever gonna be that star athlete.

Now, while all of that can be depressing for anybody, everybody reacts to things like that in different ways. Some may panic, (I’ve resolved to only panic inwardly) and some might give up, or get angry and start blaming others. Maybe they’d be right in assigning blame, and maybe they’d have a darn good excuse for getting angry; but what practical use does that have? None, there can be no satisfaction in pouting and it isn’t at all constructive.

We all need to eventually look up and take note. There will always be a challenge. There will always be something that rocks us awake from our cozy routine. How will we deal with it? Gracefully, or with all the tact of a two year old? Welcome to adulthood, and thank God for Jesus Christ our Savior.

12 Steps for Sinners

I’m not a friend of Bill’s and I’ve never been to an AA meeting.  However I have read a number of books written by members of AA and also books about AA.  I think people who practice the 12 steps are some of the most spiritual folks around and I often wonder if all us shouldn’t use them as a guide to Christian living.  After all, don’t we all suffer from addiction to sin?

Imagine what would happen if we got up in front of a group of people on some regular basis and said, “My name is (fill in the blank) and I’m a sinner.”  I know, we confess every week as part of the worship service, but that can easily become rote and meaningless.  Many of us say the words (at least some of the time) without really thinking about them.

Imagine how it would feel to regularly do a “fearless moral inventory.”  You know, actually admitting and taking responsibility for the sins we have committed, instead of sweeping them under the rug and hoping we could just “move on” by ignoring them and hoping they never come out into the light.

Imagine what the world would be like if we actually tried to make amends to people when we wronged them.  Saying “I’m sorry and I’ll try not to do that again” can mean a lot if it’s sincere.  Doing what we can to correct the situation we created means even more.

What if we tried, actually tried to be open to God’s leading and grow closer to Him?  What would happen if prayer became a priority in every Christian’s life?  Not something reserved for Sundays, but an integral part of each day.

Suppose, having worked through the steps ourselves, we committed to carrying the gospel message to others?  Not because it’s our duty as a good church member, but because we knew what relief and peace it would bring to many suffering souls?

These are some of the things AA promotes and that addicts who are “working the program” do.  It doesn’t work for everyone, because as one author says,

“Many less desperate alcoholics tried AA, but did not succeed because they could not make the admission of hopelessness.”

In other words, they have to hit bottom.  The same is true of Christians.  We know we have a problem with sin, but we have the mistaken illusion that we’ve got it under control.  We can live with it.  It causes some problems but nothing we can’t handle.  Well, read the sermon on the mount (our sermon topic last Sunday) and think again.  If you’re angry with someone, you’re on the path to murder;  if you insult your brother by calling him a fool you’ve born false witness, when you look at someone lustfully, you’re in danger of adultery;  if you divorce (no matter if it’s legal or amicable) you’ve broken a covenant relationship.  We all have done these kinds of things and more.  We can’t manage our sin on our own. We need a Savior.

Think of the church as “Sinners Anonymous.”  Take the first step and admit the hopelessness and helplessness of your life without Christ.  Then live like someone who knows things have to change.  I’m going to try to.

 

 

 

 

Joan’s Journey continued

My husband and I met while I was in college. By this time I had stopped calling myself an atheist but I wasn’t going to church and had no real interest in God. After several years of marriage we went through a rough patch in our relationship. Terry wanted to go to graduate school, while I was anxious to buy a home and start a family.  Our short term goals were different and this caused a big conflict. We finally decided that Terry would continue in school, and we moved to Montgomery County, midway between my job and his college. At this point, Terry suggested we join a church.  I guess we both felt this might put our relationship on firmer ground. Terry’s family church was large and I felt disconnected from the service. All we did was sit in the pew and listen to others speaking or singing.  The way I had learned to “do” church was Lutheran, so I told Terry that’s what I wanted to be. After some research he settled on the Missouri Synod because they believed in Biblical inerrancy.  Any Lutheran church was fine with me –I didn’t know there were different kinds of Lutherans.  We joined a church nearby and I was happy to be back in worshipping in a familiar service.  We attended church regularly, but weren’t active in other activities.

A year later we moved back to Frederick because we found we weren’t close to anything or anyone important to us.  We bought a house. Terry had a long commute but at least we were close to friends, family and my workplace.  The only Missouri Synod church in Frederick was a small mission congregation meeting in a Community building, so we went there.  I wasn’t too thrilled.  I preferred the big Lutheran Church downtown with it’s beautiful facility.  But God knew what I needed.  I was quiet and shy.  Had we joined that large, established church, I would have become a pew sitter.  In a mission congregation, you can’t do that.  Everyone is needed, everybody knows you and you can’t hide.  If Nancy was my soul friend, and Terry was my soul mate, Peace In Christ became my school of spiritual formation.

I was elected church council secretary at my first voter’s meeting.  How terrifying!  For months I hardly opened my mouth, and I tried not to miss a single word in my minutes! Finally, I relaxed, realizing that nobody was out to judge my job performance.  In fact, a friend there once told me that “church is the best place to try something new.  If you fail, they’ll still love you.”

Our pastor became a friend.  He knew his parishioners well, and encouraged me to use my gifts and stretch my comfort zone.  After we had children and they started Sunday School, we went too.  For the first time, as an adult, I studied the Bible regularly and found that knowing Sunday School stories from childhood, and bible history from college courses, did NOT mean I knew it all.  I met Christians who applied the Bible to their lives and I started to do that too. I can’t begin list the activities that helped me grow spiritually, so I’ll mention a few “high spots.”

Terry and I read the entire Bible in a 2 year program called Crossways.

We went on Marriage Encounter weekend and a Via De Cristo Christian retreat weekend.  Both had follow up small group meetings in which we participated.

.We taught Sunday School, I worked on the church newsletter and wrote VBS programs, and Terry was an elder. We were busy with church and our friends there constantly.  I began to see myself as a mature Christian and a congregational leader.

to be continued further …..