What is Enough?

I was recently watching a television program about therapy. A therapist was counseling a married couple. He told them that he observed that their relationship had started with a great deal of passion, and that they were still passionate people. However, passion was not enough to sustain a lifelong relationship. “What is enough?” inquired the wife. The therapist’s reply– “I don’t know.”

I’m not trained in this field, but I do know the answer to the question:  God.  God is the component that makes it possible for two flawed and sinful human beings to remain faithful to one another for life.  Listen to these words from Ecclesiastes:

” Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

In case you haven’t thought about it, the third strand in the cord is God.  God did not mean for us to be alone.  In Genesis we read:

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Genesis 2:18

The helper God gave Adam was needed to complete him–to make him whole.  Adam acknowledges this saying,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:23-24

When something becomes part of your very being, it is not meant to be removed.  Parting is an amputation of sorts.  This kind of relationship was possible for Adam and Eve because their relationship with one another started with and was based upon their relationship with God.  Sin changed things, but the foundation remains.  To love one another, we must love God and ground ourselves in Him.  That’s the way it can last.  That’s enough.

For more on marriage see these posts:

Thanks for Husbands!

Marriage: A School for Forgiveness

In Marriage Relationships

 

Two Are Better

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward  for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow;  but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to life him up.  Again, if two lie together, they are warm;  but how can one be warm alone?  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him.  A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

In an earlier blog, I wrote about how God did not create us to be alone.  When I think back over my life, I see how it has been enriched by the love of others.

What would my life be like without my siblings, with whom I remember my childhood, and who helped to care for my mom in her old age?  Or without my mother who read to me, my grandmother who cooked the best dinners ever, my grandfather who taught me I was smart enough to become whatever I wanted to be?

What would my life be like if I had not had my husband to help with all the child rearing chores, to support me and cheer me on when I wanted to go to school, try a new job, or learn a new skill?  Who stuck with me through all the good and bad times of life?

What would my life be life without the many friends, who over the years, saw talents and abilities in me that I didn’t even realize I had?  Who encouraged me to be a leader, to grow spiritually, and (most recently) to start this blog?

Where would I be without God in my life?  To comfort, to guide, to provide, to accept me with all my quirks?  To be a father whenever my earthly parents failed me?

Storge, eros, philia, agape, we need all those loves.  Life is definitely better when we live it with others.

Thanks for Husbands!

I have been a wife for many years now (11 to be exact). I met my husband when I was still a teenager, dated him for several years, and married him right after graduating from college. In many ways, we have grown up together, learning how to manage all of the responsibilities that come along with being an adult. He suffered through the first few years of my bad cooking, white shirts dyed red in the washing machine, and cars that broke down because I forgot to service them. I suffered through his general messiness, beers of the world collections, and inability to be on time for anything. Through it all, our friendship and love has grown and matured.

Yesterday, I was in charge of hosting an open house. It was a horrible day- cold, windy, and raining. The thought of setting up my signs in the rain had put me in a grouchy mood all morning. To my surprise, when we arrived in town, my husband insisted that I stay in the car while he set out all the signs. Despite the fact that he was going to have to spend the day soaking wet, he still did what he could to make my day better and more manageable. Aren’t I lucky? In a day in time where so much of our social media focuses on feminism and equal rights and how men are ‘holding us down’, we rarely hear about the husbands quietly supporting and caring for their spouses. Going to work every day, and working hard to support their families.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

So today, I just want to give thanks to my husband, and hope that he gives thanks for me too!!

A (belated) Valentine’s Day Thought

There is a good zeal that can lead a married couple to God and to everlasting life. Practice this zeal then, with most fervent love.

• Be the first to show respect
• Support with patience one another’s weaknesses, whether they be of body or character
• Compete with one another is showing mutual obedience
• Do what you consider useful for the each other rather than what is useful for yourself
• Love one another with sincere affection, and have a loving fear of God. Prefer nothing whatever to Christ. May He lead you together to everlasting life.

Adapted from the Rule of St. Benedict.  Apply it to any relationship!